I always thought that to be on the mission field, you had to be in a different country, or working with a ministry, or serving food to someone that had none, or praying with someone. I always connected the term "missions" to having incredible experiences all the time.
Now I know. That's not the case.
To be on the mission field is to put yourself completely out there. And that doesn't always giving you unicorns and rainbows or a fluffy feeling in your heart.
Not to say that those fluffy feelings where you just KNOW that you've served the Lord to someone that day aren't real.
But the pain, irritation, anger, frustration, loneliness is so real, too.
To be on the mission field is to learn to love people that physically cannot love you back. That hurts.
To be on the mission field is to love those people that hate you. And when you do love them, when your heart reaches out to them, that gives them power to harm you. They may not even do it on intentionally. But you see them choosing the path that turns them away from the one who loves them the most. Your heart breaks with compassion. You cry for them often, because you know that no matter how much you love them and try to show it to them, you can't make their choices for them. That hurts. A lot.
To be on the mission field is to want to lash out in irritation when someone gets under your skin, but can't because that's not the way to show love. That is some kind of trial.
To be on the mission field is to feel as if nothing that you're doing is making any kind of difference. You serve and serve and love and love and pray and pray and see nothing changing. That's frustrating.
To be on the mission field is to feel completely alone at times. You've built up a team that you know has your back, but they can't be with you to experience everything. You are forced to rely on God in every situation. That's so hard, because when you're right in the thick of everyday goings-ons, you don't have time to sit there and listen to what God tells you to do. There are moments when you even feel abandoned by God when you don't know what to say. That's scary.
To be on the mission field is to tear down every concept of "normal" that you've built for yourself your entire life and start living the way that Jesus calls you to.
My mission field? High school. Yikes. Sometimes, I wish I could just love on some orphans. At least they hug you back.
BUT. I know that I can't go back to who I once was. Even though this life that I've chosen is a million times harder than it would be if I were to just be a normal 15 year old girl, it's so much more fulfilling. I own the freedom that my classmates have not even experienced. I know how it is to let go completely. I am able to be filled up by love so deep that it brings me to tears to get just a taste. I have total confidence in the Lord's plans for my life. I have no idea what I need to do with my life, this year, even tomorrow. But I am positive that it will be shown to me, and that plan will be so much bigger than I could have ever come up with on my own.
More than that, it is an honor to be chosen to be a light to the class of 2014. It is a privilege to pour love into my peers. I am planting the seeds that will be harvested 10, 15, 25 years from now. I will have affected someone's life, even if they don't know it right now. I will be someone that they will look back on when they're changed by the love of a Savior and say, "OH. THIS is what that weird Sarah girl was all about in high school."
I remember all of this. That doesn't mean that I don't get discouraged a lot (every day...). But when I see transformations start with the people I have been pouring into, transformations that God has worked through me and all the ones that have poured into that one person, I am more than satisfied. One more has come to a relationship with their Creator. One more has experienced love in a new way. One more is chasing after their Lord.
This is my mission field, right here in Mississippi. I don't have a ministry or a mission statement. But I have a calling and a God who gives me so much love that I have to pass it on. How can I not be a part of that?
