Rather painful realization: Just because I'm putting my entire self into loving everyone doesn't mean that the people that I am ministering to won't be mean.
I mean, some of the stuff that I hear people say about each other is just awful. I don't have a clue how you can say something so terrible and hurtful about another human being, to their face, behind their back, at any time! Whenever I hear gossip or people putting each other down, I just sit there and think, "That is a beautiful child of the Lord. How in the world can you think that, let alone say it loud enough for anyone to hear?"
I know, I can't expect everyone to have the same convictions as I do or realize that they're doing wrong, but seriously? Come on now, get into Jesus love and stop putting energy into stomping on other people's emotions.
At one point on this Friday, I had to go somewhere to be by myself. What I heard coming out of mouths was so narrow-minded and hateful that I couldn't bear to listen to it. Worse, they were laughing about it, enjoying simmering in their horrid words.
I stood outside, feeling the cool breeze, looking at the beautiful sunset, and cried. I know now that God has allowed my eyes and ears to be connected right to his heart: It hurt so bad, the insulting jokes that they were making, and they weren't even about me! If that's how it feels to be compassionate to someone who's being made fun of, how does it feel to God when he watches his beautiful children (Ecclesiastes 3:11) killing each other?
Fortunately, God takes moments of my brokenness to blow me up with HIM.
On the way back from a band competition, we stopped to eat at Western Sizzlin'. In the middle of us laughing, talking, a man busted up in the room that the forty or so of us were sitting and loudly informed everyone that Jesus had literally saved his life and that he was walking with the Lord that day. I clapped along with everyone else, but since I didn't catch everything that he said, I, along with several of the other band members, went over to his table to ask him to give us his testimony. Man, was it a testimony! This guy had been called by the Lord about 6 years ago to leave EVERYTHING that he had, his family, his job, everything...to ride around in a trailer with Jesus painted on it, witnessing to everyone he comes into contact with. He just shows up wherever the Lord leads him to go and tells people about Jesus. That blows my mind! It attests to the Lord's faithfulness that he called this normal guy out to do something so completely insane and stick with him through it. Not only that, it confirms how much God cares for me that he would orchestrate this huge encouragement on the day that I felt so far away from him. Gathered around an ordinary table at an ordinary restaurant, many of us were so overcome with everything He is that we cried together! How amazing is that!
On the two and a half hour drive back, me and God had some alone time. I have to admit, there were tears and anger (from me, of course). But, God simply asked me a question: "Sarah, don't you think that I'm bigger than all of this? Against these gossipers, these feelings, this sense of disconnect, even Satan, I have already won!"
"Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own."
-Philippians 3:12
