Ever since the time of my re-dedication of my life to the Lord, almost two years ago by now, I've been struggling to know how to hear him. My brothers and sisters in Christ would tell me about how they were "talking to God" and how he "told them what to do" in whatever situation they were in.
Secretly, I didn't know what in the heck they were talking about. Sure, I felt the Holy Spirit-I felt my Advocate, Comfortor, and Companion often, in fact. But that was about the extent of my dialogue with God. Straight-up GOD, the majestic, loving, beautiful, forgiving one, was still a little too far away from me to simply have a conversation with. Not because I didn't feel like he was listening (God often received/receives the wonderful gift of listening to me rant), but because I didn't hear anything in return.
My best friend told me about how she heard him telling her what to do; the preacher in a book I read testified to hearing the Lord's voice responding every time he spoke to him; another friend made the comment while we were talking about this very subject, 'Prayer is always a conversation for me.'
That left me with expectations. "God, talk to me like you talk to this person." "God, talk to me like you talk to that person." "God, talk to me like I want you to." Nothing. Of course, at that time, I didn't realize that I was putting God into a box.
In hindsight, I'm so glad that he refused to get into that box.
Fast forward to a couple weeks ago. It hit me one day that those last ten minutes before you go to bed- you know, the time when you're really sleepy and your heart's desire is to settle back on your comfy pillows and give in to the waves of weariness trying to overcome you-were not enough of a time frame for me to talk to the Lord, and it DEFINITELY wasn't enough time for him to talk to me. I had, up until that point, just figured that he, being omniscient and everything, had already seen everything that was happening in my life and if he wanted to advise me about it, he could. But I hadn't allowed myself enough time to listen. I decided that I didn't want to-COULDN'T-avoid the subject any longer, and set aside a daily time that I could talk to God.
With this change set, I got into the routine of getting home from school and going directly (or almost directly; often I would get sidetracked) to my room, sitting in my pink fluffy bowl chair, reading my long passage of Scripture for the day, worshiping, searching for the hidden nuances of the Christian music on my iPod, and most importantly, listening, "being still and knowing that he is God". Sometimes I would get frustrated at God's lack of tangible speech. Every time, though, he would comfort me-alas, without audible words-and let me know that he was there and listening to everything that I had to say. And that had to be enough.
And then last night, something shifted. It was one of those revelation moments, where you're like 'OH. Duh, why didn't I think of that?' I finally figured out that God talks to each of us in different ways. REVELATION: he can use your thoughts.
Have you ever speculated that since God created you, God is the one who puts your thoughts in your head, that HE is the one who brings up specific thoughts at specific times?
In a way, that may seem kind of invasive-where am I supposed to go to be really alone when God's putting my THOUGHTS in my brain?
But it's also wonderful, in that God can speak to me in such a deeply personal and usually protected part of my life. I don't let many people see the real Sarah. But God sees the real me, even MADE the real me, and uses the real me to communicate his ways to me. Isn't that awesome?
And I figured out (did I figure it out? Or did God provide me with the logic that I supposed was just me being clever?) that God is more than a fuzzy feeling, more than the heart wiggle that means the Holy Spirit is moving in us. God is someone who speaks in emotions, it's true, but sometimes he speaks to us, yet doesn't bring us to tears. And you know what? That kinda-outta-the-box, yet wonderful conversation, through thoughts, is more than enough.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Silence
Today, my friend Natalie and I had a picnic together. We laughed, talked, goofed off, all of the normal things that teenagers do whilst hanging out with their friends. We also, contrary to the way teenagers and young people usually operate, simply lay there under our canopy of trees, saying nothing, and just enjoyed one another's company.
This rarity of silence got me to thinking (when you're silent, there's a lot of time to think!). I started to think that elderly married couples have it right: Sometimes, there's no need to talk. Sometimes, there's nothing to say.
Don't get me wrong! If you get me in the right mood, I will talk your ear off! I am often the one staying up until 4 o'clock in the morning talking to my best friends about whatever is going on in my life. Sometimes, conversation is the only way to share your joys and troubles with one another. Sometimes, conversation with one another is a wonderful way to bond with your companions. Sometimes, conversation is just fun, and is a great way to pass the time!
But, on the flipside, abstaining from conversation can help you to enjoy the company of the people you love in a pure way. There are things that can be said in silence and glances and expressions that could never be said in words. Filling every quiet time in fear of "making it awkward" (in Natalie's words: What's the point of awkward? In my camp counselor's words: It's only awkward if you think it's awkward) can be detrimental in that you miss out from having meaningful, thoughtful conversation. If you're always struggling to say SOMETHING all of the time, you don't get to the real point of the conversation-you skirt around it with whatever comes to your mind to say first.
Okay, Sarah, so now we know that silence when with other people can help you out. What now?
Silence in the mind is something much harder to achieve than refraining from speaking. Have you ever just sat there and tried to calm all of the NOISE inside of you? For me, usually my brain is like traffic in Manhatten: thoughts like honks of horns, thoughts like the rhythmic stepping of feet, thoughts like harried conversation on your way to work, thoughts like the Subway rumbling on it's way, thoughts and thoughts and thoughts just bouncing around inside my head. To just STOP THINKING all of that STUFF is something that I have yet to master. However, in rare moments of pure, unspoiled silence, God speaks to me in a voice much too quiet for words. When I make a point to truly "Be still and know that He is God", I know exactly what God has been trying to tell me, deep in my bones. And THAT communication, through silence, as Natalie and I experienced on our picnic blanket as the world spun around us, has been one of the greatest gifts that I have had the pleasure to discover.
This rarity of silence got me to thinking (when you're silent, there's a lot of time to think!). I started to think that elderly married couples have it right: Sometimes, there's no need to talk. Sometimes, there's nothing to say.
Don't get me wrong! If you get me in the right mood, I will talk your ear off! I am often the one staying up until 4 o'clock in the morning talking to my best friends about whatever is going on in my life. Sometimes, conversation is the only way to share your joys and troubles with one another. Sometimes, conversation with one another is a wonderful way to bond with your companions. Sometimes, conversation is just fun, and is a great way to pass the time!
But, on the flipside, abstaining from conversation can help you to enjoy the company of the people you love in a pure way. There are things that can be said in silence and glances and expressions that could never be said in words. Filling every quiet time in fear of "making it awkward" (in Natalie's words: What's the point of awkward? In my camp counselor's words: It's only awkward if you think it's awkward) can be detrimental in that you miss out from having meaningful, thoughtful conversation. If you're always struggling to say SOMETHING all of the time, you don't get to the real point of the conversation-you skirt around it with whatever comes to your mind to say first.
Okay, Sarah, so now we know that silence when with other people can help you out. What now?
Silence in the mind is something much harder to achieve than refraining from speaking. Have you ever just sat there and tried to calm all of the NOISE inside of you? For me, usually my brain is like traffic in Manhatten: thoughts like honks of horns, thoughts like the rhythmic stepping of feet, thoughts like harried conversation on your way to work, thoughts like the Subway rumbling on it's way, thoughts and thoughts and thoughts just bouncing around inside my head. To just STOP THINKING all of that STUFF is something that I have yet to master. However, in rare moments of pure, unspoiled silence, God speaks to me in a voice much too quiet for words. When I make a point to truly "Be still and know that He is God", I know exactly what God has been trying to tell me, deep in my bones. And THAT communication, through silence, as Natalie and I experienced on our picnic blanket as the world spun around us, has been one of the greatest gifts that I have had the pleasure to discover.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Refinding our LOVEly purpose in life
The Rapture was proposed to happen today at 6:00 PM.
Obviously, it didn't.
Honestly, though the jibes about it, such as, "Either the Rapture wasn't set for today, or everyone in New Zealand is a heathen." are kind of funny. In fact, some of them are very funny, but I don't think that it's very Christianly of people to poke fun at this guy. Of course, it wasn't very Christianly of that guy to think that he knows more than Jesus did. But making fun of other people's beliefs has never been one of my favorite pastimes.
Although he was incorrect about the time of our Lord's coming, (where does the Bible say 'the Rapture' anyway?) I appreciate his prediction. Confused? He was wrong, but there was, and always is, the possibility that Jesus will return right....now. It doesn't happen, so often times we forget that it ever will come about and begin to assume that we have become masters of time. This is not true, and I am glad that I have been reawakened to the fact, in a very elephant-in-the-roomish type of way, that we are not in control of our destinies.
What, then, do we do? Since the world is going to be renewed at any moment, why do we put any effort into living? Why don't we, like the ones who were expecting Jesus to come again at 6 PM, May 21, 2011, stop the mail, quit our jobs, say our last goodbyes and sit and wait?
Because we were made for NOW. There's no disputing that earth right now isn't so much like heaven-we think that more of the time it's like hell. But God gave us life for a reason; He wanted us to become who he created us to be-creatures in love with him-by our own will. He created us so we could spread his love to whoever we encounter. PEOPLE are what we're here for. Many of us wouldn't mind just stopping everything going on to hang out with God. But that's not what we were made to do down here. Right now, we need to take the love we have found in Jesus to everyone possible for us to reach. There are so many that need to be loved: the wonderful people I've met that are homeless, the ones who are looking down in the line to check out at Wal-Mart, our friends, our enemies, the children running around our backyards. We love them all, so that when the time comes for our Lord to redeem the world completely and forever, we will have so many of our brothers and sisters surrounding us, worshiping the Lord, as far as the eye can see! Won't it be beautiful?
Obviously, it didn't.
Honestly, though the jibes about it, such as, "Either the Rapture wasn't set for today, or everyone in New Zealand is a heathen." are kind of funny. In fact, some of them are very funny, but I don't think that it's very Christianly of people to poke fun at this guy. Of course, it wasn't very Christianly of that guy to think that he knows more than Jesus did. But making fun of other people's beliefs has never been one of my favorite pastimes.
Although he was incorrect about the time of our Lord's coming, (where does the Bible say 'the Rapture' anyway?) I appreciate his prediction. Confused? He was wrong, but there was, and always is, the possibility that Jesus will return right....now. It doesn't happen, so often times we forget that it ever will come about and begin to assume that we have become masters of time. This is not true, and I am glad that I have been reawakened to the fact, in a very elephant-in-the-roomish type of way, that we are not in control of our destinies.
What, then, do we do? Since the world is going to be renewed at any moment, why do we put any effort into living? Why don't we, like the ones who were expecting Jesus to come again at 6 PM, May 21, 2011, stop the mail, quit our jobs, say our last goodbyes and sit and wait?
Because we were made for NOW. There's no disputing that earth right now isn't so much like heaven-we think that more of the time it's like hell. But God gave us life for a reason; He wanted us to become who he created us to be-creatures in love with him-by our own will. He created us so we could spread his love to whoever we encounter. PEOPLE are what we're here for. Many of us wouldn't mind just stopping everything going on to hang out with God. But that's not what we were made to do down here. Right now, we need to take the love we have found in Jesus to everyone possible for us to reach. There are so many that need to be loved: the wonderful people I've met that are homeless, the ones who are looking down in the line to check out at Wal-Mart, our friends, our enemies, the children running around our backyards. We love them all, so that when the time comes for our Lord to redeem the world completely and forever, we will have so many of our brothers and sisters surrounding us, worshiping the Lord, as far as the eye can see! Won't it be beautiful?
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