Asking

"For your nearness, Lord, I hunger.
For your nearness, Lord, I wait.
Hold me ever closer, Father
With such a love I can't escape.


For your nearness I am hoping.
For your nearness, Lord, I long.
I have no need of any other;
I have found where I belong!


So draw me nearer, Lord;
Never let me go!
Closer to your heart,
Just draw me nearer, Lord."


    At a first glance, Draw Me Nearer by Meredith Andrews doesn't seem like the kind of song that could wreck you.
    Believe me. It does.
    When I first heard this song, I automatically loved it. I mean, who wouldn't? Meredith Andrews is kind of amazing. It helped me be grateful for the nearness of MY Jesus. To have an intimate relationship with him, to hear him whisper in my ear just when I need it...it's pretty awesome.
    But. Being near to Jesus? Not always a picnic. I am called out to talk to people I don't even KNOW to tell them about him. Whaaaaaat? He yanks me, somehow gently, out of my comfort zone. He makes me fall in love with him, which makes me fall in love with other people, which ends up with a squished heart. I liked my heart when it was whole and I didn't have to put it out on the line for anyone to come along and stomp on. That whole "taking up your cross" thing is much harder than I would have anticipated.
    However, there is wholeness in my brokenness. I still have not really figured out how, but when I'm crying my eyes out, I am somehow pulled up out of my ugly pit and cradled in my Father's arms. When I straight up tell God, "I physically cannot do this", I find that I can.
    I guess it's the humility that I need to get a hold of. I've always been very good at whatever I do. I am great at owning the illusion of control. But I, Sarah, can't do anything that he calls me to do. I have to learn how to become nothing so he can fill me up to be everything.
    Asking God to draw nearer to me is a dangerous request. I'm daring to ask.


"Where you are is where I'm home...there's nowhere else I'd rather be."