When I got out of school 3 and a half weeks ago, I was so excited that I would have a couple of weeks to simply sit under a tree, on my couch, in my room the entire day, thinking, reading, writing, listening to music, praying, watching a movie, anything I wanted to. After the entire school year of always having something that I HAD to do, peace sounded really, really nice. And it was, for about 2 and a half weeks. I genuinely enjoyed not doing anything, feeling no pressure to do something, hang out with someone.
Then, a week ago, the grumps settled in. I got bored with all the reading, thinking, writing, listening to music, prayer, watching of movies. I wanted to do something, but couldn't because a) I can't drive, b) I'm busy packing for my family's upcoming move, c) my best friend is still in Thailand and isn't exactly available to hang out with, and d) I don't make plans ahead of time, and end up sitting around all day even if I don't want to. It has gotten so frustrating!
Have you ever gotten to the point where you're so frustrated or angry or upset that you don't WANT to allow yourself to feel better? No? Just me?
I'm generally a happy person, but when I'm in a bad mood, I block myself from doing anything to feel better. Often, I know exactly what will put me in a better mood (usually it's having God time), but don't want to because I just want to be grumpy. How strange is that? I guess I figure that "I have the right to be mad if I want to" or something like that.
In hindsight, that's the silliest thing I've ever heard. Why in the world would you WANT to be in a bad mood?
Like yesterday. I was grumpin' it up big time. But when I got to the worship service that my parents took me to, the singers started singing this song called Laugh Laugh Laugh by Big Momma Thornton.
"Laugh, laugh, laugh and be happy
Laugh, laugh, laugh and be gay
Laugh and your blues will vanish!
Laugh while you may!"
When they started singing a song about laughing, of all things, I couldn't help but roll my eyes goodnaturedly, and let the Lord get into my heart and give me an attitude of laughter. Compared with how I felt on the drive, that was the best feeling in the world!
I guess the moral of this story is that God will make you feel better if you just let him. That doesn't mean that you completely forget about the things that make you grumpy. (brothers, for instance...) It just means that he'll help you figure out your feelings, clear out your heart, and allow you to move on to greater things.
My resolution: don't hang on to being a grump; rather, be thankful and happy in all situations. I want to embody what Paul said in Philippians 4:11-13 "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, where well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." I hope to learn how to say in my heart, "I have learned how to be content always, grumpy or not, because the Lord has given me the strength to do so."
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